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Hair defines sexuality, obviously.

Guys with lots of hair after the age of 25 are generally perceived as being “boyish”; whereas guys with less hair are perceived as being more “manly”. “I rubbed it out on the bed post”, was a funny thing a bald friend used to say all the time, followed by, “Hormones are for two things – you use yours however you wish”, followed by great laughter from all of the boyish and older guys listening at the time.

Sadly, for whatever callings that occur within us; his hormones dictated that he attempt to have “relations” with animals in public; resulting in his arrest and incarceration after being discovered at the local zoo behind a dumpster with a duck and a raccoon – the raccoon apparently being accustomed to the whole scenario and quite willing.

Naturally, this had an adverse impact upon his profession as a Catholic priest, but at the same time; there was an audible sigh of relief from the local Catholic schools, and the parents of the kids that attend them.

“It was only a duck; and a raccoon”, they said.

Happily, said nature lover “landed on his feet”  after losing his occupation; and was elected to public office based upon the promise of maintaining the same high standards of conduct that everyone expected from him all along.

So, back to best hair growth remedies and sexuality, today I had one of those funny but true moments; I read a definition of a word that I have never come across before:

Slut: A woman with the character of a man.

I haven’t posted in a few days – my apologies to everyone who anxiously awaits my new words- or granting a back link.

I might not be making this post, if not for the incredibly important news that I have just come across, and the way in which this news will impact best hair growth remedies. Hold on tight – this is big!

It would seem that a young man in San Francisco, USA, has discovered the key to immortality. In fact, you can buy immortality for a ridiculously low price in the form of rings that you wear while sleeping.

Now, obviously; the ability to grow new hair pales in comparison to living forever,  slightly. In fact, if I had to make a list of the ten most important things we should be worried about, that list would be:

  1. Live forever
  2. Have lots of hair

Whole new industries are going to spring up around this “immortality” thing, other industries; such as life insurance; well, not so good.

I will get back to regular posting shortly; until then, check out this video from the inventor of immortality…

best hair growth remedies and immortality

Hair is highly resistant to conditional formatting, obviously.

Writing “what if ” statements that will actually work with hair is problematic to say the least, and pretty much impossible to say the most.

Say, “the most.”

The world of conditional hair formatting gurus is small indeed, as indicated by the most recent numbers released by the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs; which paint a picture of few colors and even fewer conditional hair formatting gurus. It could be said that the picture painted by this report is monochrome, not Kodachrome; but that will not be said. Instead, it will be said that the picture painted by this report is one of only one color.

The mechanics of conditional hair formatting are difficult to grasp and even more difficult to see. This is why so many “authorities” on the subject of hair and best hair growth remedies steadfastly deny the very existence of those mechanics.

Silly “authorities.”

Ghosts are equally difficult to see; but are they any less real?

Conditional hair formatting and best hair growth remedies are like peas in a pod in that they are like dolphins – a group of dolphins is also called a “pod” – and as we all know, dolphins are not very spry when removed from water.

So we have established that conditional hair formatting gurus possess a rare quality and sort of an “extrasensory” type of thing that allows them to see ghosts. And we have also established that with the likelihood that hair and best hair growth remedies will certainly be a part of the future; that studies of conditional hair formatting can only increase as time goes on, and that said studies will migrate away form the realm of “theory” and toward the realm of “realms”, and once it has migrated it will surely immigrate, and once immigrated it will have to mitigate certain circumstances, which once mitigated will require suffragettes to read books, and we all know how dangerous it can be for women to read books.

They should only look at pictures.

Pictures painted by the latest study on conditional hair formatting as released by the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs.

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Contrary to what you might be seeing in the media these days, hair is usually pretty much stationary. Sure, it moves around a bit when the wind blows, it moves a lot when you drive quickly down the street with your head out the car window and your tounge hanging out, as you do, but by and large, it just sits atop your head.

I do not mean to discriminate against those follicles not residing on the top of the head, but those are the focus of this discourse.

Hair isn’t “too smart”.

You can’t teach it many “tricks”.

It does not change color like a “chameleon”.

It is “trainable” but not “educable”.

It rarely votes.

Hair is notoriously fickle and likely to change it’s mind without notice, and fail to report to work the next day.

There are many programs available, and thanks to the economic stimulus, we are having McDonalds for dinner this evening.

If I could just use one word to sum up my lifetime of experience with hair, that one word would be: “Breasts”.

There is a “connection” between people with breasts and people with hair. I’m not sure just yet what that connection might be, but I am on it and I will not stop my scientific-styled investigation until I have examined all of the breasts that I can get my hands on.

More, later…

In an effort to be all things to all people in terms of hair, I want to diverge from the topic of how to re-grow hair, and spend a moment addressing a different issue, a very different issue.

It is appalling how many people receive a summons to report for jury duty and then fail to actually report. Don’t they know that there is good money to be made by sitting on a jury? Especially if you are on an internet jury, because then you can just set your internet jury duty business on autopilot, go to the beach, have a few drinks and know the whole time that the money is just rolling in. Autopilot internet jury businesses are all the rage right now, and properly so. I mean, what other business can make you tons of money without doing any real work and allow you the opportunity to judge other people, and possibly ruin their lives, without first even getting elected to some office?

Autopilot internet jury businesses are the schizzz.

But what about hair?

Some people actually are not worried about re-growing hair. They actually have too much of it, and it affects their lives and their feelings of self confidence and self worth. It often causes them to be overlooked for employment opportunities, and sometimes even results in them being fired from a job just because they have suddenly developed too much hair.

We have had medical procedures around for a long time to help people deal with too much body fat, we have medical procedures that can either increase or decrease the size of the female breasts, but hopefully not one larger and one smaller (unless she is an attention whore), we even have procedures that can vastly increase the size of the male genitalia, even if only temporarily (as that is long enough).

So, I challenge the medical and scientific communities to stand up and make a difference. Find a safe and effective hair reduction procedure, do it now and make it affordable. It should be something that health insurance can cover. Sure, it means that health care providers will have another “specialty” to study in medical school, it might add months, if not years to the study of medicine; but I also believe that as soon as it is available; an entire industry of professionals will be created whose primary practice in life (and their livelihoods) will be derived from hair reduction procedures, and other types of serious medical practices.

Someday, just as today you can get eyeglasses at Wal-Mart; you might be able to go to a medical shop on the street corner, or a mall – and with little or no waiting – go “under the knife” and emerge with less hair than you went in with.

Think of the benefits to humanity – and the achieve it.

What is it with the Russians?

I thought they were all about dancing circus bears and downing whole bottles of vodka in a single sitting, but that would appear to not be the case. I’ve heard recently that they actually had spies living in the States collecting sensitive information concerning hair loss and best hair growth remedies, and passing that information back to Russia, obviously in an attempt to beat the U.S. in the neck and neck baldness cure race.

It must be totally commercial in nature though, because everyone knows that Russians are immune to baldness, suggesting that they are actually of Hispanic origin, just with different colored skin, eyes and hair. And language, and a few other unimportant differences.

The Russians want to corner the market on baldness cures even though it is well documented that there are no bald Russians, therefore they must be planning to hold the rest of the world hostage and “name their own price” once they have perfected the cure for baldness, using information stolen from the U.S. by the aforementioned spies.

This is a serious matter and needs immediate attention before they ever shoot the first baldness cure commercial using William Shatner as a spokes person, and probably even getting Leonard Nimoy to show up in a spot or two.

We got nukes – it would be a shame to never use them.

Make your feelings known - tell the Russians "NO" to the hijacking of hair loss cures!

It was the late 90′s and hair was just starting to come back into vogue, having been unpopular ever since that backlash from the 60′s that started in the 70′s. Women were smoking cigars in night clubs and some men were wearing nylons over their heads while committing acts of adultery; as you do.

I was thinking about Jayne Mansfield and wondering which of her husbands it was that had been killed in a boating\skydiving accident, when suddenly, it struck me.

This whole cigar-smoking thing was nothing more than a short-lived fad, rather much like the 50′s fad of young men wearing raccoon skin beards, but which is still popular with the youth in Asia today, as is euthanasia. Asian markets are, and have been, the largest importers of raccoon pelts, fueling the economic growth of Livingston, Alabama.

Hair growth remedies is an on going process that has no end. You must be as committed to succeeding as you would be committed to your marriage, but without the screwing around, even with a pair of nylons.

But I hear you wondering how Hitler fits into this picture.

Hitler, wearing gaywad pants, trying to look all bad ass

Here, he’s holding the “blood flag”, the very symbol of Nazism. The Nazi party began it’s climb to power after the “Beer Hall Putsch” of 1923. Obviously, any idea that’s cooked up in a beer hall by some rowdy Germans drinking beer (and they have strong beer over there) is of questionable merit, and it would probably be best to ponder on that for a while – like until you sober up. But no, they took it to the streets, caused a whole lot of trouble, and wound up being the supreme leaders of Germany after a brief stay over at Landsberg prison.

But the story doesn’t end there.

Hitler trying to look all badass

But how, you wonder, does Hitler fit into this picture?

Bad news breaking on the hair restoration front.

In the past day or two the Iranians have crunked up their first nuclear reactor.

I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you what that means.

What that means is that soon, hundreds of thousands of people who  have no concept of electricity will suddenly know people who actually have electricity. Oh, and it also means that at almost any given moment, the Israelis will be bombing the Iranians as if they were bat-sh*t crazy. None of this bodes well for hair.

I calculate that the impending Israeli attack will set Iranian “civilization” back a good fifteen or twenty years; in other words right back into the early stone age, as contrasted by their current position in the middle stone age.

I have a sneaking suspicion that if Sadat and Begin and Sharon were alive today, they would be making headlines the world over for having come back from the dead. But, that isn’t going to happen – at least not today.

Those guys are probably all sitting around listening to Elvis and Hendrix anyway; and not giving the first thought to what they left behind. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when the people who were duly chosen to lead their nations just bugger off as if they’ve not a care in the world. I guess at times like these you find out what people are really made of; and it ain’t cheetos, let me tell you.

I encourage you to google “Farfour”. Disturbing stuff, that. A generation being raised that can only be fit for death.

On another note, I also encourage you help promote “Everybody Draw A Picture Of Muhammad” day. Maybe put up some flyers in your local mosque.

I will keep you posted as this hairy situation develops…

Iranian President Vincente Fox poses with a huge gold-plated schlong.

I guess that to answer your question, I’d have to say that things are not always as they seem. Take hair for example, it can be completely faked, and even when real, it can be manipulated so as to appear different than nature intended.

I have observed that some people, when presented with a check will cash it. Now, it can be argued that this is exactly what should be done with it – but I’m not really in the mood to argue.

That said, I have been reading extensively over the past few days about the latest in that very long line of hair replacement products, and I’m considering actually giving one of these a try. They have a “natural” appearance, are inexpensive to buy and can actually be customized to some degree.

It is a little funny to me that over and over, throughout all of time, and across many human or social needs and platforms, the “latest” thing turns out to be something that has been around for a very, very long time; but which was never visualized as being a solution to some other problem, or being thought about in terms other than the limited things for which it was being utilized initially.

I’ve seen it happen before, and I’m sure we will see it again, I mean Minoxodil was originally intended to treat people with high blood pressure, and today it is most widely used to help regrow hair.

Birth control pills were intended to minimize unplanned pregnancies, yet today they are normally prescribed to control the raging hormonal tsunamis that cause all most women not on said pills to be evil little Hitlers, endangering every living thing on this planet, and possibly beyond (fall of Rome = NO BIRTH CONTROL PILLS!).

Candles were invented to bring light into the darkness but are now primarily used for sex games.

So, history repeats itself again… deja vu, part deux…

Concerning my last post; never mind…

This is a disaster of mammoth proportions – undoubtedly the worst ecological disaster in the history of the world, as you will recall from an earlier post. I stand corrected and vindicated.

I am reminded about the various studies done over the years concerning eggs. First they are part of a healthy meal, then they will kill you dead , then they are O.K. again.

Hang on to your hair folks, this media ride will likely get pretty hairy…

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