What is it with the Russians?

I thought they were all about dancing circus bears and downing whole bottles of vodka in a single sitting, but that would appear to not be the case. I’ve heard recently that they actually had spies living in the States collecting sensitive information concerning hair loss and best hair growth remedies, and passing that information back to Russia, obviously in an attempt to beat the U.S. in the neck and neck baldness cure race.

It must be totally commercial in nature though, because everyone knows that Russians are immune to baldness, suggesting that they are actually of Hispanic origin, just with different colored skin, eyes and hair. And language, and a few other unimportant differences.

The Russians want to corner the market on baldness cures even though it is well documented that there are no bald Russians, therefore they must be planning to hold the rest of the world hostage and “name their own price” once they have perfected the cure for baldness, using information stolen from the U.S. by the aforementioned spies.

This is a serious matter and needs immediate attention before they ever shoot the first baldness cure commercial using William Shatner as a spokes person, and probably even getting Leonard Nimoy to show up in a spot or two.

We got nukes – it would be a shame to never use them.

Make your feelings known - tell the Russians "NO" to the hijacking of hair loss cures!

« »